A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas
EBERT SAYS: "Santa (Patton Oswalt) delivers a package for Kumar at Kumar's apartment. Kumar delivers it on Christmas Eve to Harold's suburban manse, loaded with Christmas decorations to impress his Mexican father-in-law Mr. Perez (Danny Trejo), who hates Mexicans."
IN FACT: Santa is played by Richard Riehle, not by Patton Oswalt. Oswalt appears as a drug-dealer/mall-Santa, but it's the "real" Santa (Riehle) who brings the package to Kumar's apartment. The package is addressed to Harold, not to Kumar, which of course is why Kumar brings it to Harold's new house. Finally, Harold's Mexican father-in-law doesn't hate Mexicans (duh) -- he hates Koreans.
EBERT SAYS: "Mr. Perez throws out Harold's gaudy artificial tree and replaces it with a perfect Douglas fir he has lovingly grown for 12 years."
IN FACT: Mr. Perez has lovingly grown the tree for eight years.
EBERT SAYS: "The movie is about the disastrous adventures of H&K as two treacherous African-American tree-vendors sell Kumar's reserved tree to someone else, leading of course to a chase scene . . ."
IN FACT: The tree was reserved by Harold -- the vendors sell it to Kumar instead, which is what causes the chase.
EBERT SAYS: "Ren gets arrested for playing his car radio too loud . . ."
IN FACT: Ren gets ticketed for playing music too loud in his car, but he's not arrested.
EBERT SAYS: "Adam is also supported, maybe too much, by his mother, Diane (Anjelica Huston), who actually moves into his house."
IN FACT: Diane wants to be with Adam at all times, but he never allows her to move in.
EBERT SAYS: "Against our expectations, Standard isn't jealous or hostile about the new neighbor, but sizes him up, sees a professional and quickly pitches a $1 million heist idea."
IN FACT: Standard owes "protection money" to a gangster, and because the Driver worries that harm will come to Standard's family if the debt isn't repaid, he takes the initiative in deciding to help Standard rob a pawn shop.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
EBERT SAYS: "There are also such characters as Mearing (Frances McDormand), a government official; Bruce Brazos (John Malkovich), Sam's anal-retentive boss; Carly's former boyfriend Dylan (Patrick Dempsey), whose classic car collection upstages every robot in the movie . . ."
IN FACT: Patrick Dempsey plays Carly's boss; the characters never dated.
EBERT SAYS: "To begin, we should observe that 'guarda' is the Gaelic word for policeman . . ."
IN FACT: This isn't a plot-related error, but the word Ebert means -- which can be seen on Brendan Gleason's jacket at many points during the movie -- is garda, not guarda.
EBERT SAYS: "It's a human fan who misses them most. Jason Segal plays Gary, who not only loves the Muppets but actually lives with Walter, who has been his best pal since he was a child, even though now Gary's at least five feet taller."
IN FACT: Though Gary is a Muppets fan, Walter is a bigger one, and obviously he misses them the most. Furthermore, Walter and Gary aren't just best pals -- they're actually brothers.
EBERT SAYS: "[The Oakland A's] began [the 2002] season with 11 losses in row."
IN FACT: This didn't happen. In reality, Oakland was 6-5 after the first 11 games; watching the movie, we're meant to believe that, early on, the A's struggled more than they really did, but Moneyball never tells us that they opened the season 0-11.
EBERT SAYS: "In his previous season, [Billy Bean had] taken the A's to the World Series, only to have them lose . . ."
IN FACT: In the movie and in real life, the A's lost in the 2001 ALDS -- that is, the opening round of the American League playoffs.
EBERT SAYS: "In any film involving the destruction of the globe, we know that, if it is not to be saved, there must be a 'money shot' depicting the actual cataclysm. I doubt any could do better than von Trier does here. There are no tidal waves. No animals fleeing through burning forests. . . . No, there is simply a character standing on a hill and staring straight at the impending doom . . ."
IN FACT: This isn't how the movie ends. It actually ends with three characters huddled inside a fort made of sticks. Two of them, I believe, are holding hands, and one of them is crying. No one is standing. Ebert seems to have entirely made up the image he describes.
I'm a nitpicker, obviously, and maybe it's bad form to criticize America's Most Beloved Critic, particularly in his aged infirmity, although I should note that I wouldn't have observed all these mistakes if I weren't enough of a fan of Ebert to read him frequently. But, seriously, can we please get this guy a better editor?